So, I live with two roommates, they're Indonesian brothers and I'm Australian (we live in Canada). They're mum has been staying with us the past week, visiting from Indonesia. With her she brought a shit tonne of my absolute favourite chocolate, KitKats.
But these aren't just your regular, run-of-the-mill KitKats, she brought exotic flavours ranging from the subtle creaminess of cheesecake KitKat to the rich tang of Shinshu Apple. Now, obviously these KitKats aren't mine to enjoy but I am somewhat of a KitKat Connoisseur and having the temptation of creamy chocolate with a crunchy texture - which imo is more satisfying than a good fuck - in the house is bloody torture.
So being the morally depraved and scheming individual that I am, I decided that if one KitKat was missing they would not notice. I mean, surely if the mum saw she would think it was either of her two sons. So I crept to the fridge while they were upstairs asleep, slinking by without sound, with such technique that even cat woman would be applauding in admiration, I made my way to the fridge.
I gripped the door and pulled it open, the refreshing cold and the dull yellow light of the fridge surrounding me. As if to invite me further into its depths. I reached in and pulled out the white box which held the cheesecake KitKats. Delicately and painstakingly opening it and pulling from within a glorious creation of man. The cheesecake KitKat now safely in my hands I replaced the box in its exact position and shut the fridge door. I slowly unwrapped the KitKat, savouring the sight of its smooth creamy nakedness.
Unable to control myself, I ripped off the rest of its wrapping and pushed the chocolate into my mouth. As soon as it's cold chocolate taste hit my tongue, goosebumps were sent traveling down my body. The first bite could only be described as pure, unviolated ecstasy. I needed to bury the evidence, however, so while I was busy slowly chewing the KitKat and savouring it's delicious taste, I reached into the garbage bin and buried the wrapper under some of the rubbish inside.
I withdrew my hand and went back to watching Netflix upstairs. I was distracted by the taste of the KitKat and my show (Been watching Rapture, great series so far, definitely recommend) but it came to my attention there was a strange white cream on my finger.
I studied it, it looked like melted cheesecake KitKat. I sniffed at it and no foul odour assaulted my senses so I thought all was well, just a bit of KitKat residue.
So naturally, I licked it...
Immediately I knew this was not the remnants of the KitKat I had so sinfully stolen. This was something else altogether. It had this strange taste, like slightly off milk. Not unpleasant but certainly not good either. My brow furrowed in confusion as I tried to puzzle out what it was I had just so hastily licked. Than it hit me, this was the hand I had plunged into the rubbish to hide the evidence of my crime.
I ran to the bathroom and began to claw at my tongue, throwing water down my throat and hawking up spit from as far back as I could manage.
I still have no clue what the fuck I just ate, but there is no doubt in my mind that it was NOT meant to be consumed considering it was in the garbage bin.
Hopefully my health remains unscathed.
